How To Self Love For Singles
One of life’s biggest questions — How to practice self love? Single life has taught me many crucial and life changing lessons — which helped me develop a great relationship with myself. It also taught me how to feel self love. In this post I wrote about 8 steps to self love.
** check out the notes at the end for a free printable self love affirmations list 🙂
Going through life, many people will come and go. There were so many people in my life that I had an instant, wonderful connection with. Ones that sometimes even reached a whole new level of depth. I was certain that these people were in my life to stay. That I would never be able to live without them. People that I really loved and wanted in my life for good. But life as it does, happens, and whether you want to or not — you drift apart. Whether it be physical distance, or different stages in life that just don’t match up. Maybe it was only the shared space you were in that was keeping you together. It’s also not always easy to keep in touch with so many people. Either way, they are no longer in your life, at least not in a permanent way you once thought.
For many years I’ve depended my happiness on my relationships with others — platonic and romantic alike.
I didn’t have much self love and didn’t really have much awareness of its meaning, or how to practice self love either. I was terrified of being single, of being stuck in my own company. But once I finally learned to embrace singlehood and myself, I finally learned how to self love. I learned that no one is really permanent. That even if your will is strong, it’s not always enough to keep someone. The only constant you can count on 100% is yourself.
Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t count on others, it’s actually quite important to have people you can count on. But first and foremost — you need to know how to count on yourself. How to trust yourself. And in the core of that — is self love. Unfortunately, not many people take the time to develop the relationship they have with themselves. They neglect it, and as a result, they struggle with self love and worth. If you’re struggling to have self love, hopefully this post will help you start gaining it.
1. Self Love Affirmations
For many of us, repeating affirmations of any kind, can seem pretty silly and even stupid. I know that I struggled a lot with that feeling of foolishness. Or being ridiculous for doing it. Many times, it’s also hard to stay persistent and consistent. At the end of the day, self love affirmations do help. Of course for each his own, and it might not work for everyone. And it also might not work every time. But for most people I know, repeating self love affirmations helped them with their self love and worth. When you recite something long and hard enough, you will believe it. And when you believe it, it’s easier to make it a reality.
“Fake it ‘till you make it” may be a cliche’, but it became one for good reason — it’s true. Not for everything of course, and you need to use it with caution. But when it comes to self love affirmations, it does work many times. So the more you repeat self love affirmations, the more you believe in the self love affirmations you’re repeating, the more you feel self love.
** CLICK HERE for a free printable self love affirmations list 🙂
2. Pampering — Self Care
A good way to develop a strong self love — Is by caring for yourself and taking care of your needs. Even pampering and spoiling yourself every so often. Think about a relationship that you have. For example, one you may have with your best friend. For me, I enjoy spending time with her, buying her gifts and helping her out when she needs it. I’m there for her, I like surprising her, being kind to her. In other words — taking care of her. That care shows her just how much I love her, without me even needing to say the words. Same goes to the relationship with yourself.
You need to care for yourself — take yourself out, buy yourself gifts and treat yourself to a pick-me-up when you’re down. Another crucial part of self care, is routine grooming and hygiene. Make sure to not neglect yourself, especially in these unknown and trying times. Don’t let yourself skip basic cleanliness. Not only so you feel good about being fresh and clean — But also so you don’t feel even worse. In blunt words — When you’re stinky, so is your mood. Self care helps you feel more good about yourself… And when you feel good about yourself, you practice self love better.
3. Health — Eating Healthy / Working Out
Just like with self care (in many ways, maintaining your health is actually a huge part of self care). Eating healthy, working out and overall regard for your wellness is crucial. It’s fundamental, and yet many of us still neglect it. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for cheat meals and treating yourself to your favourite unhealthy foods sometimes. To have lazy days where you barely move. But in moderation — which is key to almost everything in life.
When you take care of your body, which is your fortress that you need to protect and take care of, you will also feel better about yourself. Again, when you neglect your health, you are less likely to be happy with yourself and happy in general. Besides helping with self-discipline, taking care of your body, keeping a proper and stable healthy lifestyle… It’s also very beneficial for developing your self love and maintaining it. Because when you self care, you feel better about yourself, and when you feel good, you love yourself more.
4. Surround Yourself With Good People / Friends
In my blogs, I talk a lot about how being alone isn’t lonely. That you need to learn how to feel comfortable in your own company. However, you still have to make sure to maintain a healthy social life. It’s important to have good friendships — with a meaningful relationship, that you can count on. Steady and long term friends that you can have fun with, but also be serious and have deep discussions, and heart to heart talks. It’s great to have surface level friends that you just enjoy having fun with… But make sure not all your friends are just surface level. People that help you to love yourself, to see why you’re worth that love.
You need to have good, high-quality people in your life. People that will make a positive impact, and will be an added bonus, not a nuisance. It’s a bit harsh to say but it’s the truth — you need to filter the people in your life, and keep only the ones that make it better. People that know how to lift you up. And of course — that you have a great relationship with. That it’s equal and you both support each other. When you have a strong support system, it’s so much easier to self love.
5. Get Rid Of Toxic People, And Raise Your Standard
A huge part of the filtering I mentioned, is extracting toxic people from your life. People that either have a bad influence on you, treat you bad or just don’t put in the same effort that you do. I’ve wasted so much time on chasing toxic people that didn’t deserve a minute of my time. I degraded myself for them. I learned the hard way that I am worth so much more. That self love, embracing myself — was so much easier without them. People like that, that make you chase, that make you go crazy and do stupid things… They need to go ASAP.
It can also be people that are not necessarily “bad”… That they don’t have ill intentions, but they just don’t care enough. Or they don’t make enough efforts. They let you do all the work and only contribute when it’s good and fitting for them. And I’m sorry, but relationships — of any kind — are a two way street. So even if you really, really, really like someone — you gotta let them go. No one is worth putting yourself down for. When you get rid of all of those toxic people and their toxic energy, self love will be so much easier to practice.
6. Learn To Feel Comfortable In Your Own Company — Date Yourself
I’ve spoken about this many times before, and cannot stress enough how crucial and fundamental it is. You are the main person you spend most of your time with, especially when you’re single. I always used to feel a bit cringy in my own skin no matter what. Always a bit apologetic. But when I entered single life, I finally learned to embrace myself and how to feel comfortable in my own skin and company. It wasn’t easy, and took a lot of hard work. But it was definitely worth it. It takes a lot of time, effort and patience.
I think one of the biggest contributors to my ever growing self love, are self dates. Dating yourself is important, just like dating is important in every other relationship you have. If you want to feel comfort in your own company, if you want to love yourself more, then you have to give that extra effort.
7. Focus On Self Growth — Do Things You Love
Aside from dating yourself, another great way to practice self love, or to learn how to self love is by working on your personal development. This is a very wide term and can be interpreted and implemented in many different ways. What I do is make a list of things in my life that make me happy, that make me better and help me progress. Whatever doesn’t make that list — meaning anything harmful / negative in your life — has to go. You focus on the valuable and work on nourishing them. You fill your daily schedule with things you enjoy and love. With people and things that make you happy.
When you’re ready, you can start working on new things that you would like to insert in your life. Like new hobbies, artistic activities — playing instruments, drawing / painting, writing, dancing, reading, ect. You can take online courses, do workshops and a great many other things that you’ve always dreamed of doing. It’s super important to make time for the things you love and enjoy.
8. Acceptance And Self Embracement
This 8th and final step may be last, but it is the most important part of all. This step is basically the art of gathering all the previous ones, and implementing them into your life, with the purpose of achieving self love. When you follow these steps, you will slowly learn how to accept yourself for who you are. With all of your weirdness, quirks, habits, scars and imperfections. I always say that normal is boring. That all of our “imperfections” are what make us perfect, they make us special and unique. Instead of hating them, instead of letting them bring us down — Manifest them into something great. Learn to utilise them for growth, for practicing self love.
I’m well aware that this is all easier said than done. All of what I’m saying is after I’ve learned it all and got burnt many times over.
I fell and stumbled, I hit the ground and got wounded. Perhaps I allowed myself to wallow for a moment or two, that’s okay. Because at the end of it, I got up. I lifted myself off of the floor, I dusted myself off and kept pushing forward and up. Fought through even when I wanted to give up. Learned from all of my mistakes and regrets. I turned them into life lessons, that made my future better. And the scars? I wouldn’t give them up for anything. They are my trophies. They are the signs and evidence of what I’ve been through. How I was powerful enough to pull through, and come out on the other side — stronger, wiser and better.
Never give up. Never settle. And never, ever chase anyone but yourself. And of course — never stop self loving.
Falling in love with yourself first doesn’t make you vain or selfish. It makes you indestructible.
Happy self loving!
Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong!
Michal B.L.
** CLICK HERE for a free printable self love affirmations list 🙂
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